"[T]he links between happiness and social contact are so strong that manypsychologists think that humans are genetically wired to need one another.... Even asadults we function much better when we are embedded in social networks that offercooperation, support, and enjoyment.... When people are separated from those theylove for a prolonged period of time, they often show signs of 'withdrawal,' includingsadness and homesickness"
"The close relationships that produce the most happiness are those characterized bymutual understanding, caring, and validation of the other person as worthwhile. Peoplefeel secure in these types of relationships, and are often able to share intimate aspectsof themselves with the other. Importantly, they can count on the other person for help ifthey need it. Although acquaintances and casual friends can be fun, it is the supportiveclose relationships that are essential to happiness.... We know that --on average--people are happier when they are with others compared to the times they are alone"
"Relationships matter to our emotional well-being and psychological wealth because ourclose associates directly help us in a variety of ways. We blossom from children intoadults only through the encouragement, support, and mentorship of parents, teachers,coaches, and other influential people. We are able to face tough times largely throughthe emotional support and compassion of our loved ones.... [G]roups to which webelong help to define who we are and give us a sense of identity. They help us tobecome something larger than ourselves, and help us define who we are in a largeuniverse. Without other people, we are a speck in the universe.... Other people canbring out the best, most playful side in all of us" (54-55).
married people are on the whole relatively happy..... it is important toknow that singles can find close friends and a rewarding life; marriage is notthe only road to happiness. However, the evidence to date suggests that cohabitating couples are not as happy as the married"
happiness is having lots of people whom you love, and who love you in return
"When one arrives at the point where it is pleasurable to do things for the other person,even if he or she doesn't realize what you have done, this type of mature love can be anenduring source of happiness. In compassionate love, we also enjoy trusting andsharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with the other person; this is true intimacy.Yet another kind of affection merits mention here, especially because it hasconsequences for long-term happiness. 'Deficiency-love,' as Fromm called it, is basedon the idea that we are attracted to people who satisfy our needs. If you are low on selfesteem,you will find attractive a person who gives you many compliments. If you getbored easily, you will be drawn to an entertaining, exciting person. This kind of attractionis not necessarily a bad thing, but does have some hidden dangers. Deficiency-loveworks only as long as your needs are stable. Unfortunately, for most of us, aging andmaturing are usually accompanied by a reordering of personal values and a shifting ofneeds. As our needs change, we may find that we feel less attracted to our matesbecause they supply something we no longer need or desire, unless they change as wechange. The type of love you have in your relationships can be a major factor not only inyour marital happiness, but also in your overall fulfillment" (59).
The following survey will help you identify your social strengths, as well as those areaswhere you might want to improve.... Answer yes or no to each of the statementsdepending on whether or not you feel like they describe you:1. I give lots of compliments and positive remarks to others.2. I have someone to whom I can tell my most intimate thoughts and feelings.3. I rarely or never feel lonely.4. I am careful about making negative remarks to others.5. I get along well with my co-workers.6. I can relax and be myself when I am with my friends.7. I mostly trust my family and friends.8. There are people I very much love and care about.9. There are people I could call in the middle of the night if I have an emergency.10. I have fun when I am with other people" (65-66).
The more positives that make it into your head,the easier it will be to experience psychological well-being. Getting into the habit oflooking for successes and seeking out the good in others rather than nitpicking andfault-finding will go a long way toward making the world seem like a friendly, hospitableplace. Each day, noticing people you should be grateful to, even for little things likeholding the door for you, can focus you on the positive in others. Look around and seethe good, beautiful, and amazing things that are going on around you.Folks who make the effort to notice and appreciate positives as they happen, so that they are easier torecall, and those who spend time reminiscing about past successes instead of failurestend to be happier....
Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier By Robert A. Emmons
"The close relationships that produce the most happiness are those characterized bymutual understanding, caring, and validation of the other person as worthwhile. Peoplefeel secure in these types of relationships, and are often able to share intimate aspectsof themselves with the other. Importantly, they can count on the other person for help ifthey need it. Although acquaintances and casual friends can be fun, it is the supportiveclose relationships that are essential to happiness.... We know that --on average--people are happier when they are with others compared to the times they are alone"
"Relationships matter to our emotional well-being and psychological wealth because ourclose associates directly help us in a variety of ways. We blossom from children intoadults only through the encouragement, support, and mentorship of parents, teachers,coaches, and other influential people. We are able to face tough times largely throughthe emotional support and compassion of our loved ones.... [G]roups to which webelong help to define who we are and give us a sense of identity. They help us tobecome something larger than ourselves, and help us define who we are in a largeuniverse. Without other people, we are a speck in the universe.... Other people canbring out the best, most playful side in all of us" (54-55).
married people are on the whole relatively happy..... it is important toknow that singles can find close friends and a rewarding life; marriage is notthe only road to happiness. However, the evidence to date suggests that cohabitating couples are not as happy as the married"
happiness is having lots of people whom you love, and who love you in return
"When one arrives at the point where it is pleasurable to do things for the other person,even if he or she doesn't realize what you have done, this type of mature love can be anenduring source of happiness. In compassionate love, we also enjoy trusting andsharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with the other person; this is true intimacy.Yet another kind of affection merits mention here, especially because it hasconsequences for long-term happiness. 'Deficiency-love,' as Fromm called it, is basedon the idea that we are attracted to people who satisfy our needs. If you are low on selfesteem,you will find attractive a person who gives you many compliments. If you getbored easily, you will be drawn to an entertaining, exciting person. This kind of attractionis not necessarily a bad thing, but does have some hidden dangers. Deficiency-loveworks only as long as your needs are stable. Unfortunately, for most of us, aging andmaturing are usually accompanied by a reordering of personal values and a shifting ofneeds. As our needs change, we may find that we feel less attracted to our matesbecause they supply something we no longer need or desire, unless they change as wechange. The type of love you have in your relationships can be a major factor not only inyour marital happiness, but also in your overall fulfillment" (59).
The following survey will help you identify your social strengths, as well as those areaswhere you might want to improve.... Answer yes or no to each of the statementsdepending on whether or not you feel like they describe you:1. I give lots of compliments and positive remarks to others.2. I have someone to whom I can tell my most intimate thoughts and feelings.3. I rarely or never feel lonely.4. I am careful about making negative remarks to others.5. I get along well with my co-workers.6. I can relax and be myself when I am with my friends.7. I mostly trust my family and friends.8. There are people I very much love and care about.9. There are people I could call in the middle of the night if I have an emergency.10. I have fun when I am with other people" (65-66).
The more positives that make it into your head,the easier it will be to experience psychological well-being. Getting into the habit oflooking for successes and seeking out the good in others rather than nitpicking andfault-finding will go a long way toward making the world seem like a friendly, hospitableplace. Each day, noticing people you should be grateful to, even for little things likeholding the door for you, can focus you on the positive in others. Look around and seethe good, beautiful, and amazing things that are going on around you.Folks who make the effort to notice and appreciate positives as they happen, so that they are easier torecall, and those who spend time reminiscing about past successes instead of failurestend to be happier....
Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier By Robert A. Emmons
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