"Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How partners can cope and heal" by Barbara Steffens Ph.D LPCC (She knows J.G. Farr , professor Ed. Psych. U of U)
Barbara is a pioneer in Relational Betrayal Trauma. She's done a lot of research on the affects of a sexual addiction on the spouse of the addict. She's help start groups for spouses of addicted partners. She found in her research that there wasn't alot of support for spouses of those suffering from a sexual addiction. She realized it was the spouses responsibility to make something better from those experiences of a traumatic event.
Many spouses, she found, felt hopeless and helpless and many other symptoms similiar to those who experienced traumatic events in war or of sexual assault. This is an extremely stressful and traumatic situation because the person these spouses had bonded with, who had given them a safe place, now became an enemy. She realized the spouses could choose to learn from the experience. They could learn about themselves. She said you don't know what your foundation is until you fall. These spouses lives were shattered and they found they were vulnerable to a lot of things they didn't know they were vulnerable to before. They needed to learn to use those experiences for good, to find purpose and meaning (the good thta came from) what happened. She said after the trauma is over and people are putting the pieces together, they have a choice (a responsibility) for what they will do with those experiences. The spouses realized bad things can happen. They were more compassionate and humble afterward. The experiences grounded them and gave them a sense of self. Helped them find out who they really were.
Betrayal Trauma is one of the worst traumas to process because the person being harmed is not able to accept the fact, that the person who is suppose to protect, love or take care of them (whom they love), is hurting them (especially if that person’s been kind to them before).
Barbara is a pioneer in Relational Betrayal Trauma. She's done a lot of research on the affects of a sexual addiction on the spouse of the addict. She's help start groups for spouses of addicted partners. She found in her research that there wasn't alot of support for spouses of those suffering from a sexual addiction. She realized it was the spouses responsibility to make something better from those experiences of a traumatic event.
Many spouses, she found, felt hopeless and helpless and many other symptoms similiar to those who experienced traumatic events in war or of sexual assault. This is an extremely stressful and traumatic situation because the person these spouses had bonded with, who had given them a safe place, now became an enemy. She realized the spouses could choose to learn from the experience. They could learn about themselves. She said you don't know what your foundation is until you fall. These spouses lives were shattered and they found they were vulnerable to a lot of things they didn't know they were vulnerable to before. They needed to learn to use those experiences for good, to find purpose and meaning (the good thta came from) what happened. She said after the trauma is over and people are putting the pieces together, they have a choice (a responsibility) for what they will do with those experiences. The spouses realized bad things can happen. They were more compassionate and humble afterward. The experiences grounded them and gave them a sense of self. Helped them find out who they really were.
Betrayal Trauma is one of the worst traumas to process because the person being harmed is not able to accept the fact, that the person who is suppose to protect, love or take care of them (whom they love), is hurting them (especially if that person’s been kind to them before).
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