These two kind of go hand in hand, because with both we want to keep the end result desired in mind. With anger keeping the end result in mind can help us greatly, when deciding how we want to express our feelings and deciding how we want to respond. We need to decide how we want to act. Think to yourself, “What are my choices? Which do I want to choose? Will it be worth it? Does this situation really matter? Will I get what I want by doing what I am doing or thinking of doing?” Getting angry is a habit. It’s something we learn to do and it becomes a natural response. We just automatically choose to do it. What we must do is learn to think before we act. We must choose what we do instead of going on auto pilot. It’s a matter of self-mastery and control. When you learn to be more in control of yourself it feels really good. (review Dr. Lund’s ideas on Frustration listed on handout)
Here is a list of questions from a workbook of the Midwest Center’s (spiritual workbook pg. 21.). These are more questions you can ask yourself while trying to choose a response when you are angry. (Ok before that, it is suggested by the Midwest Center that when you are angry to give yourself a 10 second to 24 hour time out. If you did that you’d have some time to think about some of these questions before you responded to the situation.)
So here are the questions:
Will my anger accomplish what I want it to do?
Can my anger solve the problem?
Will getting angry make me feel better or worse? (Will getting angry make the situation better or worse?)
How will my anger make other’s feel?
How can I express my anger in the best possible way for the best possible results?
This is where assertive behavior can come in. When we determine what it is we need or want, we then can share or express that to others. Hopefully in a calm manner using self-control (which the timeout could help with this). Assertive behavior is not about controlling or manipulating others. It’s just a way of standing up for yourself. It can help you feel like you are truly being one of your own best friends.
If conflict is difficult that’s probably a major cause of anxiety in your life. Everyone has needs and wants and many times they are different than ours. Internal and external conflict is inevitable so it’s important to learn to resolve conflicts effectively and positively. When faced with conflicts we choose, either to run and become passive, or fight and become aggressive. Both lead to body symptoms (stress response) not effective methods of problem solving.
The aggressive person is fearful that he/she will not be heard, or will have to give up power or control of the situation. They attack. Verbal behavior is used to control and dominate. They blame others, don’t usually gain respect. Many of their ideas are discounted. Have mistaken belief –if give up control he or she will be controlled by others.
The passive person is fearful of rejection and responsibility. Avoidance, frequent and habitual use of passivity causes loss of self-respect and self-esteem. We can get comfortable playing the victim.
People are uncomfortable around passive people or people that never seem to know what they want or need. Often passive people are seen as manipulators and quilt trippers and may get discounted. Passive verbal behavior tends to be indirect, self pitying, whiny and the speaker blames him/herself.
Combination of aggressive and passive: Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most harmful and dishonest ways of dealing with conflict. If we never take personal responsibility for our thoughts and actions, if we never stand up for ourselves or share our honest feelings, it will be difficult to communicate in a productive way.
The goal of assertive behavior is to be heard. Is about honesty, self-respect, and being able to say clearly what you think and believe. Using “I” statements and sharing needs and wants. Assertive behavior is direct, sincere, accepting, and non-threatening. It’s giving a truthful account of your feelings with respect for others rights.
Assertiveness is a positive reinforcement of self worth. An assertive person is willing to take responsibility for beliefs, opinions, and actions. It’s an adult response and decision not to throw a tantrum or run and hide from situation.
Main reason we are not assertive is because we have taught ourselves to avoid any type of confrontation.
You don’t always need to have a comeback on the spot. Step back if that is what you feel you need to do. Decide what you want out of situation. Ask self if situation is worth the energy you are contemplating spending. Many times it works to tell someone I’ll get back to you on that after I’ve given it some thought.
ASSERTIVE MESSAGES:
-Use simple, direct language that best communicates how you feel. Use of “I” messages are healthy, appropriate since expressing opinion. Clearly represent what you are thinking and feeling and what you want.
-No need to apology when sharing your feelings. Assertiveness is not about being “right”. Freeing to be able to communicate to others what we want.
-We all have rights. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Core of assertiveness is the confidence that it doesn’t matter if anyone agrees with your opinion. Ability to know what it is you want and express it so you are heard. Not standing up for yourself and holding things in or getting stepped on leads to lots of symptoms.
*Often writing about the situation will help you determine what you want to accomplish.*
Keep in mind we have tendency to over do things. The goal is to learn how to communicate your needs and wants and not to force them on others.
Many times instead of standing up for ourselves we creatively think up strategies to get what we want by subterfuge and passive manipulation. Only affirms our inner belief that we are not good and worthy. Not learning to express our needs damages our self-esteem.
Keep what you say short. Keep to the point. Okay to put self first.
Buy time whenever beneficial. “I need to check my calendar. I need time to think about that. I’ll get back to you on that” This delay gives you a chance to decide what you want. Need to follow up.
Remind self angry people are seen as out of control. Angier get more aggressive. Choose to diffuse the anger and figure out what it is that is really bothering you. For most part, being assertive is most effective, positive way to bring about change and feel better.
Share what you are learning with the important people in your life and let them know that you are making some changes. Tell them decided to make some changes and will be trying to express your feelings more clearly.
Resist temptation to apologize for your feelings or beliefs.
Each day find a situation to be assertive. Any time we make a behavior change we will feel uncomfortable.
Doing your homework will show you who the people are in your life that you are most comfortable with and it will become clear who you are least comfortable with. Helps to practice first with the people you feel most secure with.
*Write about your experiences so you can evaluate and improve. Use opportunity to complement yourself in writing.
Evaluate your expectations of others and see if you are being realistic.
Make list of possible statements you might hear from people in life that you know to be difficult. Read them and decide a response that you think would be assertive. Listen for defensiveness, aggressiveness, whining, or victim voice. Find a mentor and observe techniques.
Anything new you learn and begin causes uneasiness and is a little stressful, even good things. Usually anything we attempt to master we initially have doubts about and wonder if we will be able to grasp it. It takes perseverance to keep at things and make them work for us.
To constantly try to please people is anxiety producing and if we want to lower our stress and anxiety level we must be willing to look at who we are and what we want. You will get to know yourself better and those closest to you will get to know you better too. See capable and confident you.
It’s ok to think slowly. Think through steps, revisit situation and decide what you want from the situation. Eventually follow through.
To get in touch with how you feel you may need to pause and reflect. Tune in to what you are thinking. When you pause and focus and then respond others will sometimes give more credence to what you say. May take some time.
Try to communicate simply and honestly that you have not been content and are trying to change. Ask significant people to remind you if you are becoming aggressive. Take some of the responsibility for the situation.
Maybe you are trying to come up with the perfect statement. Try to step back and reflect and decide what you are feeling and what you would like to communicate. Make it fun. Observe others and look for people to model that are good at this. Read some books on the subject to make the ideas clearer.
The price you pay for non-assertiveness is loss of self-respect and long-term anxiety.
Understand being used and manipulated can only happen if you cooperate. You are responsible for how you are treated. You teach people how to treat you. The person that you can count on giving appreciation and respect to you is you. You are the only person you have control over. Choose to love yourself enough to stand up for you.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO: Tell others what you are thinking and feeling.To change your mind.Express yourself without intimidation or guilt. (To say “No”)Not take responsibility for others.Stand in judgment of your thoughts and actions.To be wrong (Not do things or be perfect.)Be human and take full responsibility for your decisions and actions.
Assertiveness is a learned skill. Practicing new skills does produce initial anxiety. Practice also brings proficiency.
By being assertive you stand less of a chance of being victimized, manipulated, or made to feel guilty.
Of all the human emotions, anger is potentially the most dangerous to our health. Until we learn to dig out the roots, anger is a choking ground cover that thwarts happiness, lead to physical illness, and stifles emotional growth.
Reacting with an “I want what I want and I want it now.”
*Most of our hostile feelings begin with inappropriate and incorrect thoughts about our people or situations that cannot be changed. Learn to reason with yourself (first step). Paint different mental picture-have different feeling.
The more comfortable we are with ourselves the less we will react to others and will be able to communicate in a calm way.
Some taught anger is not allowed, not considered nice, Never had the opportunity to practice dealing with conflict in a healthy manner. Anger is not bad. It is a human emotion that we need to learn to express and communicate in a productive way.
Often there is a pattern to our anger and a theme and many times fear is behind it so we will need to identify this and learn to address it differently. (Look behind the anger, address fear or other feelings behind it.)
Aggression is an acquired habit, a learned behavior. Learn to recognize first flush of anger. Make conscious decision whether you wish to stay angry. (Count to ten) Focus on appropriate expression immediately.
Influence situation by: eliminating source, redefine, through reasoning, that the source may not be worth the energy that you are about to spend, deflect by distraction, mediation, preparation, and thought stopping,Determine to look for the good, Adopt positive attitude.
Questions to ask:Will I remember this an hour, day, or week from now?Do I really need to respond this minute, hour, day?Would a time out, or walking away for a while help?What do I want to accomplish in this situation?Have I really, really listened?Am I too tired to do a good job handling this right now?Do I even know what I want to communicate?
*People that lose their temper do not get respect. They either get shut out or obeyed because other people are afraid of them.
Look for themes and patterns in your anger.
Get comfortable with conflict.
Count to ten and give self time to think about how you want to respond.
Are you reacting or are you consciously making a decision to act? What is the appropriate action for the situation you are faced with?
Try to make “I” statements and listen. What fear or other emotion is the person expressing?
May feel more anger because you are more aware of it, may be giving yourself permission to feel it for the first time. (allowing self to see it.) Use opportunities to practice the things you are learning that help you to handle anger more effectively. Write about old anger (anger carried around for a long time).
Find two incidents this week when you felt anger. Write about the situations. On paper you can be a little more objective and see the other person’s side of the argument.
Figure out what you could have done differently. This is how you calmly and objectively overcome anger. Learn practice learn change.
Vital questions to learn about anger responses. What did you expect to get out of your anger?Was your expectation realistic?Were you putting “shoulds” on other people?Were you angry in order to avoid something?Did you find and face the fear?
Is this worth the energy and attention I am giving it?Is this energy and attention justified if I consider all the circumstances?Do I have an effective response at this moment?Can I allow some time before responding to this?
Sometimes just discussing a situation with someone who is not emotionally involved will give you some insights. Choose someone that you think has a healthy approach to anger.
When listening to advice, try to just listen and not defend.
We care so much what others think of us, we’ve tried for years to be whatever we think other people want us to be and that often didn’t included being upset or angry or sticking up for our opinions.
What would I do if my support people weren’t around to make me feel safe or take me where I need to go?We feel they do so much for us and that we have inconvenienced them so much that we can’t express any frustration to them. We often feel unworthy, weak and undeserving. Begin to look for and write about who you really are. Sometimes the real fear is the responsibility that has to happen when we give up the dependency.
The only way you get good or comfortable with anything is through practice and repetition. Important learn from each practice session and review principle points as you work on each lesson.
New experience for you to not be responsible for everyone else. You still may be jumping to the conclusion that people are upset with you when they are not. Most people would rather know where they stand and what you are thinking as long as they are dealt with tactfully and honestly. If you aren’t sure how you were interpreted- ask. Fine to check with others if not sure. Can learn to express your point of view maturely and in a way that will encourage people to listen.
Anger is an emotion that often hurts you far more than it does or did the other person.
Without forgiveness you may always hang on to a part of the situation. It may continue to enter your life during certain situations. You may still be a victim. Healing is a journey and you may only be able to let go of small pieces at a time.
Anger is not bad. It is how we respond to it. Human emotion, we can learn to use in productive, healthy way. Find not many things worth getting angry about. It is a key to see that no one can make us feel angry, sad, happy, etc, but that we choose these.
Anger and anxiety have the same response in the body. You will be in control of yourself rather than at the mercy of your emotions.
Conquering hostility requires commitment and practice as you learn new communication skills. Take time out, think about situation before you speak, then give your opinion, but don’t expect others to go along with you or to do unnecessary things for you. Resolve the issue or dissolve it- let it go-do what you need to do for yourself and learn from the situation.
For all new things practice is part of the process.
Anger hides fear . . . deal with the fear. (Beneath most anger find fear)
Evaluate anger- see relationship between anxiety, depression, and anger.
Break bad habit of anger
Learn to think before you react (don’t just react and over react.)
Anger can be depressing when turned inward.
Focus on the end result and resolve or dissolve it.
We are easily irritated when suffer with anxiety or depression. We over react to typical frustrations and disappointments.
Harboring feelings of anger and resentment can lead to inner and outer bitterness.
If easily irritated consider these about anger before you react:
Stop and think before you react. What outcome do you really want from the situation? Do you Want to make someone else feel bad too? Or, do you want them to understand that you are hurt And need to discuss the issue to get it cleared up so you feel better?
Is your anger useful? Is it going to help you achieve a productive result? Or, is it going to make You feel bad or negative and not really solve anything?
Was the person who hurt you doing it out of some inner problem they were dealing with? Or wereThey really angry with you?
Are you angered over a situation that you cannot change? If so, wouldn’t it be better to try toIgnore it and not be so affected by it?
If you are staying angry with someone hoping to make them feel bad, are you really affecting their Mood? Or are you just prolonging your own bad feelings and unhappiness?
Anger tests Little or no anger (0)Slightly/moderately irritated (1-2)Quite upset/extremely angry (3-4)* Someone you are depending on for something you consider important doesn’t come through for you.
Here is a list of questions from a workbook of the Midwest Center’s (spiritual workbook pg. 21.). These are more questions you can ask yourself while trying to choose a response when you are angry. (Ok before that, it is suggested by the Midwest Center that when you are angry to give yourself a 10 second to 24 hour time out. If you did that you’d have some time to think about some of these questions before you responded to the situation.)
So here are the questions:
Will my anger accomplish what I want it to do?
Can my anger solve the problem?
Will getting angry make me feel better or worse? (Will getting angry make the situation better or worse?)
How will my anger make other’s feel?
How can I express my anger in the best possible way for the best possible results?
This is where assertive behavior can come in. When we determine what it is we need or want, we then can share or express that to others. Hopefully in a calm manner using self-control (which the timeout could help with this). Assertive behavior is not about controlling or manipulating others. It’s just a way of standing up for yourself. It can help you feel like you are truly being one of your own best friends.
If conflict is difficult that’s probably a major cause of anxiety in your life. Everyone has needs and wants and many times they are different than ours. Internal and external conflict is inevitable so it’s important to learn to resolve conflicts effectively and positively. When faced with conflicts we choose, either to run and become passive, or fight and become aggressive. Both lead to body symptoms (stress response) not effective methods of problem solving.
The aggressive person is fearful that he/she will not be heard, or will have to give up power or control of the situation. They attack. Verbal behavior is used to control and dominate. They blame others, don’t usually gain respect. Many of their ideas are discounted. Have mistaken belief –if give up control he or she will be controlled by others.
The passive person is fearful of rejection and responsibility. Avoidance, frequent and habitual use of passivity causes loss of self-respect and self-esteem. We can get comfortable playing the victim.
People are uncomfortable around passive people or people that never seem to know what they want or need. Often passive people are seen as manipulators and quilt trippers and may get discounted. Passive verbal behavior tends to be indirect, self pitying, whiny and the speaker blames him/herself.
Combination of aggressive and passive: Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most harmful and dishonest ways of dealing with conflict. If we never take personal responsibility for our thoughts and actions, if we never stand up for ourselves or share our honest feelings, it will be difficult to communicate in a productive way.
The goal of assertive behavior is to be heard. Is about honesty, self-respect, and being able to say clearly what you think and believe. Using “I” statements and sharing needs and wants. Assertive behavior is direct, sincere, accepting, and non-threatening. It’s giving a truthful account of your feelings with respect for others rights.
Assertiveness is a positive reinforcement of self worth. An assertive person is willing to take responsibility for beliefs, opinions, and actions. It’s an adult response and decision not to throw a tantrum or run and hide from situation.
Main reason we are not assertive is because we have taught ourselves to avoid any type of confrontation.
You don’t always need to have a comeback on the spot. Step back if that is what you feel you need to do. Decide what you want out of situation. Ask self if situation is worth the energy you are contemplating spending. Many times it works to tell someone I’ll get back to you on that after I’ve given it some thought.
ASSERTIVE MESSAGES:
-Use simple, direct language that best communicates how you feel. Use of “I” messages are healthy, appropriate since expressing opinion. Clearly represent what you are thinking and feeling and what you want.
-No need to apology when sharing your feelings. Assertiveness is not about being “right”. Freeing to be able to communicate to others what we want.
-We all have rights. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Core of assertiveness is the confidence that it doesn’t matter if anyone agrees with your opinion. Ability to know what it is you want and express it so you are heard. Not standing up for yourself and holding things in or getting stepped on leads to lots of symptoms.
*Often writing about the situation will help you determine what you want to accomplish.*
Keep in mind we have tendency to over do things. The goal is to learn how to communicate your needs and wants and not to force them on others.
Many times instead of standing up for ourselves we creatively think up strategies to get what we want by subterfuge and passive manipulation. Only affirms our inner belief that we are not good and worthy. Not learning to express our needs damages our self-esteem.
Keep what you say short. Keep to the point. Okay to put self first.
Buy time whenever beneficial. “I need to check my calendar. I need time to think about that. I’ll get back to you on that” This delay gives you a chance to decide what you want. Need to follow up.
Remind self angry people are seen as out of control. Angier get more aggressive. Choose to diffuse the anger and figure out what it is that is really bothering you. For most part, being assertive is most effective, positive way to bring about change and feel better.
Share what you are learning with the important people in your life and let them know that you are making some changes. Tell them decided to make some changes and will be trying to express your feelings more clearly.
Resist temptation to apologize for your feelings or beliefs.
Each day find a situation to be assertive. Any time we make a behavior change we will feel uncomfortable.
Doing your homework will show you who the people are in your life that you are most comfortable with and it will become clear who you are least comfortable with. Helps to practice first with the people you feel most secure with.
*Write about your experiences so you can evaluate and improve. Use opportunity to complement yourself in writing.
Evaluate your expectations of others and see if you are being realistic.
Make list of possible statements you might hear from people in life that you know to be difficult. Read them and decide a response that you think would be assertive. Listen for defensiveness, aggressiveness, whining, or victim voice. Find a mentor and observe techniques.
Anything new you learn and begin causes uneasiness and is a little stressful, even good things. Usually anything we attempt to master we initially have doubts about and wonder if we will be able to grasp it. It takes perseverance to keep at things and make them work for us.
To constantly try to please people is anxiety producing and if we want to lower our stress and anxiety level we must be willing to look at who we are and what we want. You will get to know yourself better and those closest to you will get to know you better too. See capable and confident you.
It’s ok to think slowly. Think through steps, revisit situation and decide what you want from the situation. Eventually follow through.
To get in touch with how you feel you may need to pause and reflect. Tune in to what you are thinking. When you pause and focus and then respond others will sometimes give more credence to what you say. May take some time.
Try to communicate simply and honestly that you have not been content and are trying to change. Ask significant people to remind you if you are becoming aggressive. Take some of the responsibility for the situation.
Maybe you are trying to come up with the perfect statement. Try to step back and reflect and decide what you are feeling and what you would like to communicate. Make it fun. Observe others and look for people to model that are good at this. Read some books on the subject to make the ideas clearer.
The price you pay for non-assertiveness is loss of self-respect and long-term anxiety.
Understand being used and manipulated can only happen if you cooperate. You are responsible for how you are treated. You teach people how to treat you. The person that you can count on giving appreciation and respect to you is you. You are the only person you have control over. Choose to love yourself enough to stand up for you.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO: Tell others what you are thinking and feeling.To change your mind.Express yourself without intimidation or guilt. (To say “No”)Not take responsibility for others.Stand in judgment of your thoughts and actions.To be wrong (Not do things or be perfect.)Be human and take full responsibility for your decisions and actions.
Assertiveness is a learned skill. Practicing new skills does produce initial anxiety. Practice also brings proficiency.
By being assertive you stand less of a chance of being victimized, manipulated, or made to feel guilty.
Of all the human emotions, anger is potentially the most dangerous to our health. Until we learn to dig out the roots, anger is a choking ground cover that thwarts happiness, lead to physical illness, and stifles emotional growth.
Reacting with an “I want what I want and I want it now.”
*Most of our hostile feelings begin with inappropriate and incorrect thoughts about our people or situations that cannot be changed. Learn to reason with yourself (first step). Paint different mental picture-have different feeling.
The more comfortable we are with ourselves the less we will react to others and will be able to communicate in a calm way.
Some taught anger is not allowed, not considered nice, Never had the opportunity to practice dealing with conflict in a healthy manner. Anger is not bad. It is a human emotion that we need to learn to express and communicate in a productive way.
Often there is a pattern to our anger and a theme and many times fear is behind it so we will need to identify this and learn to address it differently. (Look behind the anger, address fear or other feelings behind it.)
Aggression is an acquired habit, a learned behavior. Learn to recognize first flush of anger. Make conscious decision whether you wish to stay angry. (Count to ten) Focus on appropriate expression immediately.
Influence situation by: eliminating source, redefine, through reasoning, that the source may not be worth the energy that you are about to spend, deflect by distraction, mediation, preparation, and thought stopping,Determine to look for the good, Adopt positive attitude.
Questions to ask:Will I remember this an hour, day, or week from now?Do I really need to respond this minute, hour, day?Would a time out, or walking away for a while help?What do I want to accomplish in this situation?Have I really, really listened?Am I too tired to do a good job handling this right now?Do I even know what I want to communicate?
*People that lose their temper do not get respect. They either get shut out or obeyed because other people are afraid of them.
Look for themes and patterns in your anger.
Get comfortable with conflict.
Count to ten and give self time to think about how you want to respond.
Are you reacting or are you consciously making a decision to act? What is the appropriate action for the situation you are faced with?
Try to make “I” statements and listen. What fear or other emotion is the person expressing?
May feel more anger because you are more aware of it, may be giving yourself permission to feel it for the first time. (allowing self to see it.) Use opportunities to practice the things you are learning that help you to handle anger more effectively. Write about old anger (anger carried around for a long time).
Find two incidents this week when you felt anger. Write about the situations. On paper you can be a little more objective and see the other person’s side of the argument.
Figure out what you could have done differently. This is how you calmly and objectively overcome anger. Learn practice learn change.
Vital questions to learn about anger responses. What did you expect to get out of your anger?Was your expectation realistic?Were you putting “shoulds” on other people?Were you angry in order to avoid something?Did you find and face the fear?
Is this worth the energy and attention I am giving it?Is this energy and attention justified if I consider all the circumstances?Do I have an effective response at this moment?Can I allow some time before responding to this?
Sometimes just discussing a situation with someone who is not emotionally involved will give you some insights. Choose someone that you think has a healthy approach to anger.
When listening to advice, try to just listen and not defend.
We care so much what others think of us, we’ve tried for years to be whatever we think other people want us to be and that often didn’t included being upset or angry or sticking up for our opinions.
What would I do if my support people weren’t around to make me feel safe or take me where I need to go?We feel they do so much for us and that we have inconvenienced them so much that we can’t express any frustration to them. We often feel unworthy, weak and undeserving. Begin to look for and write about who you really are. Sometimes the real fear is the responsibility that has to happen when we give up the dependency.
The only way you get good or comfortable with anything is through practice and repetition. Important learn from each practice session and review principle points as you work on each lesson.
New experience for you to not be responsible for everyone else. You still may be jumping to the conclusion that people are upset with you when they are not. Most people would rather know where they stand and what you are thinking as long as they are dealt with tactfully and honestly. If you aren’t sure how you were interpreted- ask. Fine to check with others if not sure. Can learn to express your point of view maturely and in a way that will encourage people to listen.
Anger is an emotion that often hurts you far more than it does or did the other person.
Without forgiveness you may always hang on to a part of the situation. It may continue to enter your life during certain situations. You may still be a victim. Healing is a journey and you may only be able to let go of small pieces at a time.
Anger is not bad. It is how we respond to it. Human emotion, we can learn to use in productive, healthy way. Find not many things worth getting angry about. It is a key to see that no one can make us feel angry, sad, happy, etc, but that we choose these.
Anger and anxiety have the same response in the body. You will be in control of yourself rather than at the mercy of your emotions.
Conquering hostility requires commitment and practice as you learn new communication skills. Take time out, think about situation before you speak, then give your opinion, but don’t expect others to go along with you or to do unnecessary things for you. Resolve the issue or dissolve it- let it go-do what you need to do for yourself and learn from the situation.
For all new things practice is part of the process.
Anger hides fear . . . deal with the fear. (Beneath most anger find fear)
Evaluate anger- see relationship between anxiety, depression, and anger.
Break bad habit of anger
Learn to think before you react (don’t just react and over react.)
Anger can be depressing when turned inward.
Focus on the end result and resolve or dissolve it.
We are easily irritated when suffer with anxiety or depression. We over react to typical frustrations and disappointments.
Harboring feelings of anger and resentment can lead to inner and outer bitterness.
If easily irritated consider these about anger before you react:
Stop and think before you react. What outcome do you really want from the situation? Do you Want to make someone else feel bad too? Or, do you want them to understand that you are hurt And need to discuss the issue to get it cleared up so you feel better?
Is your anger useful? Is it going to help you achieve a productive result? Or, is it going to make You feel bad or negative and not really solve anything?
Was the person who hurt you doing it out of some inner problem they were dealing with? Or wereThey really angry with you?
Are you angered over a situation that you cannot change? If so, wouldn’t it be better to try toIgnore it and not be so affected by it?
If you are staying angry with someone hoping to make them feel bad, are you really affecting their Mood? Or are you just prolonging your own bad feelings and unhappiness?
Anger tests Little or no anger (0)Slightly/moderately irritated (1-2)Quite upset/extremely angry (3-4)* Someone you are depending on for something you consider important doesn’t come through for you.
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